Authenticity as Performed Curiosity

There’s this popular idea floating around that you need to lean into your “authentic self,” and if you manage to “find yourself,” all your problems will magically disappear—problems like misalignment, bad marriage, and STDs (okay, maybe not that last one). The underlying message is that your authentic self is lying somewhere, dormant, like a lazy cat waiting for you to discover it, so you can unravel it and sort out all the mess in your heart. While I do think there’s some truth to this romanticized idea, its very much like believing in unicorns.

Here’s my take: the self you’re hunting for isn’t some dormant entity like a bear in hibernation. It’s more like an art piece you create through sheer willpower and caffeine. There’s always this tug-of-war between who you are and who you’d like to be and that’s not such a bad thing. The gap between your current self and your ideal self is like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole, and that’s a good thing! Striving to inch closer to that ever-evolving version of your “true self” is your superpower. As long as you keep steering the ship of your life’s ambition with some semblance of direction, you’re being authentic in that very moment.

Living with this idea isn’t exactly comforting because it means authenticity isn’t a state of eternal bliss and stasis. And that’s okay! Maybe happily ever after is a fairy tale, but getting closer and closer and closer to the real me is like chasing after the ice cream truck on a hot day—it’s the pursuit that counts.